BACK
I CAN RUN AS FAST AS ME
j.a. tyler
I can run as fast as me. I am tumbling stumbling drunk and I
can run as fast as me.
I’m not drunk but I can run as fast as me.
I can talk like me. I can talk like me and everyone who knows me
will understand me. I can talk like me and everyone who doesn’t
know me can fuck off. Everyone who doesn’t know me can take a
leap. Everyone who doesn’t know me can exit on the rail side.
Everyone who doesn’t know me can fuck off.
I was a winner in another circle. I won. I’m telling you. I won. I
was a winner and everyone cheered and threw me roses. Everyone
cheered and threw me cans and bottles. Everything was strained
through chicken wire. Everything was bourbon and whiskey soup.
Everything was beer in the air. Everything was pale ale. Everything
was gin misty and tequila twitching.
I can run as fast as me.
And I can hunt with my eyes. I can find a thing with my eyes and
hunt it. I can hunt things down. And when I get them I break their
legs and tear their throats and bloody them. I bloody them and
gloat over them. I raise fists over them. I tug at them and rip them.
I break them and bloody them.
I am better than they are.
I can run as fast as me and no one can catch up. I can run as fast
as me and the world will be my dust. The world will be my dust and
I will cheer and throw roses to myself. I’ll throw bottles and cans
through chicken wire. I’ll drink down to the tips of my tips of my
toes.
And she’ll come storming in and reach for my collar or my ankles
and I’ll piss on her. I’ll piss on her with a stream of yellow words.
I’m a stream of yellow words. I’m streaming. And I’ll reach around
myself and find her standing there. And I’ll wrench my fists until
the muscles change and won’t work anymore. And then I’ll leave
her alone.
I can talk as fast as me and I’m the only who can understand it. I’m
the only one who gets me. I’m the only one who can see that I’m
nice and sweet and innocent and good. Everyone else can take a
flying leap. Everyone else can fuck off. Everyone else can’t
understand me. They can’t understand me and so they don’t get
me. No one gets me except me because I can talk as fast as I can
run.
I’m deer skittish. How they move and blink. How they’re like candle
flames. I’m like that. But everyone thinks I’m a bear. Everyone
thinks I’m like a bear. Burly and roaring. Everyone thinks I’m going
to tear them like boughs from trees. Like how she thinks I’m a
bear. She thinks I’m like a bear and that I have bear thoughts. But
I have deer thoughts and no one knows it. No one knows that I’m
mostly deer. Everyone thinks I’m a bear.
I can still hunt with my eyes though. I can hunt with my eyes and I
look mostly for things that are soaked. I look for things that have
been soaked and fortified. Fortified and adjusted. Fermented and
sick. I hunt for things with my eyes that are sickly. I’m the sick
looking for me and the sickness. I’m hunting with my eyes for the
sickness. And I find it on almost every corner. I’m a good hunter.
Most people don’t know that I’m such a good hunter.
And her. She’s always hunting for me. She is always hunting for me
with her eyes. She is always looking for me. She is always trying to
define me and cage me. She thinks I’m a bear that needs to be
caged. But I’m a deer mostly on the inside and I don’t need traps.
Deer need bullets. Traps and cages are a waste. They’ll waste. Deer
are like that. I’m like that.
I can run as fast as me. And I’m chasing me down. And I’ve almost
caught up.
I’m holding down this hotel. I’ve been holding down a bar or
twenty bars and now I’m holding down this hotel. I’ve been
holding down several bars. I’ve been holding down bars for days.
I’m a deer and not a bear and I can run as fast as me. And I can
hold bars in bars. I can hold my liquor but those fuckers will always
tell you otherwise. I have a beard but I’m not a bear. I’m not like a
bear. I hunt with my eyes.
And I can run as fast as me.
This hotel smells like piss. It smells like piss and I smell like piss.
And no one gets that. Everyone thinks its me that smells like piss
but it’s the bars and the hotel that smell like piss. I hold them down
and it gets in me. It gets in me and it won’t get out. It gets in me
and everyone thinks it’s me. It’s not me. I’m not like that. It’s the
hotels and the bars and the stink of bears.
I talk and talk and talk and no one listens. No one is listening
anymore.
I’m holding down this hotel single-handedly. Without me it would
fly to the ceiling. It would fly to the sky. It would fly to heaven and
god would say what the fuck is this hotel doing in heaven. And he’d
piss himself with laughter. I know how god is and that’s what he’d
do. Because even god likes a joke every now and then. Even god
likes a little drink. Want to talk about a guy who is a bear. That god
is a bear. Hands down. He is one hell of a bear. Me. I’m just a deer.
Scared and blinking.
But I’m holding down this hotel and I’ve done my duty today
holding down the bars in this city and hunting things down with my
eyes. Bourbon and whiskey. Whiskey and bourbon. I can hunt with
my eyes. I’m a good hunter but I’m not a bear. God is a bear. I’m
not a bear. God is a bear.
And I can run as fast as me.
I’m a good talker and no one gets me. No one listens anymore.
But I can run as fast as me.
Just you watch. Just you wait and watch. This isn’t a goddamn
democracy. I’m a deer and god’s a bear and I can run as fast as
me. Just you wait and watch.
Just don’t call me a goddamn bear anymore.
Because I can run as fast me and no one can catch me. No one can
catch me.
(c) 2008 by J.A. Tyler