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EXCERPT FROM TAIPEI - NIPPLE
yu-han chao
Lily Gu stared into the darkness beyond the little
rectangular window with rounded edges. She rubbed a napkin
against the windowpane where her nose had left a greasy mark.
She thought she saw her ex-girlfriend, Nina, in the glass, but it
was only herself. Everybody had said Nina and Lily looked exactly
alike, except Nina was fair skinned with dark brown hair and Lily
was darker, raven-headed. The same long, straight hair, small
noses, full cheeks and sleepy-looking eyes with droopy eyelids.
They had practically the same body type too, long and slender.
Perhaps the reason they broke up was their similarity--they were
so much alike they grew tired of each other, figuring they might
as well be alone than with a mirror figure who argued with them.
At any rate, it wouldn't have worked out, since Lily was leaving
Canada for good.
The flight from Victoria to Taipei took nearly 24 hours
including layover but finally, the plane was descending. Flight
attendants rushed about locking up food carriers, making sure
overhead bins were closed and politely, since this was business
class, reminding passengers to fasten their seat belts and return
their chairs to an upright position. Lily pressed two buttons, one
to lower the foot rest and straighten the chair back, another to
change the massage setting of the chair. She could afford this
luxury while flying, afford the champagne and beautiful three
course meals served by smiling stewardesses because her
daddy's clinic in Taipei pays for it. Dad's clinic also paid for her
violin lessons and voice lessons at the Music Conservatory of
Victoria in Canada for five years.
Over ten years ago, Mr. Gu's clinic was doing so well that
local gangsters blackmailed him for protection money. If he didn't
give them a lump sum every month, they would kidnap his 8 year
old daughter on her way to school, they said. He gave them the
money, but knowing the greedy nature of lawless people, he sent
his wife and daughter off to Canada, where he knew they would
be safe and where Mrs. Gu could have as much fresh salmon as
she liked. He bought them a nice house and wired money to their
Canadian account every few months.
It took Mrs. Gu a long time to accept that Lily preferred
women and would never marry a nice Asian Canadian pre-med
young man, and when she finally did she still blamed her
daughter's sexuality on Mr. Gu's absence. Mr. Gu had to point out
to her that if they had stayed in Taipei Lily would have been
kidnapped and harmed; that was far worse than her developing
an interest in sleeping with foreign women.
Lily was coming to Taipei this time to work. Her aunt Kitty,
who had a degree in music education from the Taipei Teacher's
College, had just married a man from Hong Kong and was moving
there with him. Lily was to inherit some of Kitty's violin students
in Taipei. It was a good deal--the students didn't have to worry
about finding a new teacher, they paid Lily less for violin classes,
and Lily got a job fresh out of the Conservatory, where she hadn't
done very well. Lily tried to think of more pleasant things than
school as the plane landed. Her underachievement had to do with
sexuality-related controversies at home, her frequent fights with
Nina and numerous break-ups and make-ups. Her heart wasn't in
her music; she was too busy fighting her girlfriend when she was
with her and the world when she wasn't. The night Mrs. Gu found
out about her and Nina, Lily had been locked out of the house,
sobbing.
But now all that was past. Lily was delighted to be free from
her mother and from the Music Conservatory of Victoria at last,
having received barely passing grades, flunked Counterpoint
twice, and botched her final recital by going completely out of
tune in one passage and forgetting the score in another. She knew
they let her graduate out of pity because she was considered an
underachieving foreigner who didn't speak English; just as well.
After retrieving her luggage, Lily breezed through
immigration (having both a Canadian and Taiwanese passport)
and spotted her aunt and new uncle in the passenger-welcoming
crowd. The man from Hong Kong greeted Lily with a nod and took
her suitcases. Kitty, plump as pudding, hair dyed reddish brown,
gushed over Lily and stroked her mid-parted long, black hair, the
classic Asian Canadian do.
"You're even taller than when I last saw you! You must be at
least 168 centimeters, or more than 170? Just like a model!
Models are very popular here in Taiwan now. But you are too thin.
You should eat some more. What are they feeding you in Canada?
Don't you think she's too thin dear?" Kitty turns to her husband,
who does not answer.
"You can wait here at this curb, I'll go get the car." He said,
walking towards the parking lot, chains and car keys jangling.
"Never mind him, he's a spoiled rich kid." Kitty said with a
smile. "Absolutely no social skills. But a nice man, really. Very
generous."
"I can't believe you're moving to Hong Kong. What if you
don't like it?" Lily asked.
"What's not to like? Fantastic places to shop, good food,
there's even horse racing and exclusive clubs. I've been there five
times already and loved every moment of it." Kitty stroked her
Louis Vuitton shoulder bag. Lily wondered if it was fake.
"Well, at least you found a rich husband."
"Yes, real success story, huh?"
♪
Back at the generous two bedroom apartment Mr. Gu had
rented for Lily, Kitty took out a spiral calendar notebook and
opened it to a page with names and phone numbers.
"Here's my appointment book. I have talked to these four
students and they all agreed to take lessons from you. I told them
you charge 800 per hour, which isn't much, but I thought it was
appropriate since you're starting out. Is that alright?"
"Sure." Lily had no idea she was worth 800 NT an hour.
"Now here are their numbers and names in case you'd like to
contact one of them. I already told them to call you on your mobile
to confirm their class times with you. This girl, Paoi Wu is in junior
high school; she's kind of slow and tone deaf but she's a good girl,
obedient student. Paoi's mom is good friends with the mother of
these two, brother and sister. The boy's older, in senior high
school and comes for class once every few weeks because of
exams, but his younger sister, Anya, is quite good, and diligent.
She's thirteen, I think, rather pretty. This guy, Guo Sun, is your
age or maybe a year older. He just graduated from college,
engineering department, smart, but can't play in tune to save his
life. I told him to be careful not to fall in love with you, hee hee."
Kitty giggled, her entire body jiggling like jello. It was a
tasteless jibe since Mrs. Gu must have told Kitty already that Lily
was lesbian.
"So these are your students, and here...is my husband calling
again to rush me." Kitty dug a shiny flip phone out of her Louis
Vuitton bag, a different pattern this time, from the fall collection,
Lily noted. "Yes, yes, I'll be right down. Yes, I remembered
everything, don't worry." Kitty reached out to hug Lily, who
reciprocated awkwardly. Against her niece's slim torso, Kitty's
body felt like a lumpy down pillow. Lily wondered if she would
ever find anyone like Nina here in Taipei.
"I'll visit you some time soon, dear. I'm just a few hours
away by plane. And let me know any time you want to come to
Hong Kong to shop or do some sight seeing." Kitty put on a pair of
large sunglasses which contrasted with her cream-colored face
and over-treated hair to make her look like a bug.
"Bye, aunt Kitty."
"Bye Lily, take care."
♫
"Okay. Here we start from the beginning." Lily held up the
cheap violin left behind for her by Kitty and demonstrated the first
few bars of Chaconne. She didn't use her own expensive French
violin when she taught because she felt somehow that the
students didn't deserve its presence, wouldn't appreciate it.
Paoi's mouth was slightly open, as was her habit, and not only did
Lily suspect that Paoi wasn't listening to her playing, but
sometimes she thought Paoi might be mildly retarded. Maybe she
had been dropped on the floor as a baby or something like that.
"Your turn now. You can go as slow as you like since it's the
first time." Lily indicated the beginning of the piano solo with her
bow and stood back, giving Paoi sufficient bow space when she
played. Once or twice Lily had been poked in the chin or breast by
a student and had learned her lesson.
As Paoi struggled to find the notes and Lily occasionally
played a note at the right pitch on her violin to help out, Lily
absentmindedly observed her student's figure. Paoi was skinny,
very skinny, the kind of skinny that made bras unnecessary and
garments hang loosely. Lily herself was not wearing a bra either;
she didn't believe in bras and never was forced to wear one in her
life. At some point Nina had taken all of the bras Mrs. Gu had
bought for her daughter and cut them up, a gesture that both
frightened and moved Lily. But as far as covering one's breasts
went, it didn't matter anyway in Canada since people were so
bundled up most of the time.
Lily knew that the outline of her small cupped breasts and
nipples were apparent under almost every non-winter garment
she owned, but she decided that it was no big deal, even though
she realized that hers were perhaps the only nipples visible on the
streets of Taipei. Correction: hers were the only unsupported,
uncovered breasts that did not belong to a woman over sixty with
sagging, wrinkled dugs on the streets of Taipei. Nina would have
been so proud. The small, round breasts, with puffy areolas
topped with one nipple the shape of a perfect water bead on each
side--what was there to hide? Nina, who had giant, flat areolas
and barely-there nipples, had always complimented Lily on her
adorable breasts. Besides, the clothes Lily wore in Taipei were
just T-shirts and blouses, plain, without frills, unrevealing; she
never showed much skin or tried to be provocative.
When Paoi's hour was up, Lily sent her out to photocopy some
scores at the 7-11 nearby and waited for the next student, Anya.
Cute, round-faced Anya had dimpled hands that could move
almost as fast as Lily's, but thankfully with less accuracy. This
was the only student Lily had to practice for, whose pieces she
had to rehearse before she demonstrated for her in class. Anya's
more difficult piece at this point was Preludium and Allegro, which
Lily had played in fourth grade but had messed up horribly at the
mid semester music exams. Her violin teacher was embarrassed
and furious at how Lily ruined an entire staccato passage by
losing control of her bow, which made whistling and bumping
noises while barely touching the right strings for a full minute.
Despite the hopelessness of her right hand, her left hand kept
pressing the notes on the string, to little effect. The judges at the
exam were all murmuring to one another whose student is this?
and maybe we should stop her. But Lily's mother, Mrs. Gu, paid
her daughter's teacher a lot of money for additional private
lessons after school and the humiliated and nearly broke music
instructor kept Lily under her tutorage.
Images of the fourth grade exam passed through Lily's head
as she and Anya played Preludium and Allegro. Just like Lily in
fourth grade, Anya couldn't do the Allegro part. Twenty-one-year-
old Lily the teacher showed her student how to use her fingers to
bounce the bow and control it with a thumb and forefinger,
keeping the bow balanced with the pinky. Finally Anya managed a
few successful staccatos and Lily praised her profusely, marking
out the entire section as next week's homework, a great
compliment. It was always an insult when the teacher only
marked out a few bars as a new assignment because it meant the
teacher thought you sucked too much to be given more. It was an
insult Lily had often received, but which she still resented every
time.
When Anya's mom came to pick Anya up, she stared blatantly
at Lily's breasts. Her glance said it all: wear a bra, you're
indecent. The mom made her son, who was supposed to take a
lesson, wait outside while Anya packed up her violin case and
loose scores.
"I meant to tell your aunt this, but my son will be very busy
at school preparing for the entrance exam for college, so I think
we'll take a break from lessons until the exams are over. I'm sure
you understand, Miss Gu." Anya's mom said this icily, distantly, in
a disdainful voice which seemed mismatched with her intensely
crimson lipstick. Some of the lipstick was on her teeth.
"Why of course, good luck with your academics." Lily said,
looking at the woman's eyes instead of her teeth, receiving an
envelope containing exactly 800 dollars. The three guests left, the
son turning back to glance at Lily and being pushed to walk faster
by his mother.
Lily decided that she was imagining that Anya's mom minded
her braless breasts. She knew Taiwan was weird about nipples,
but she didn't have to be as weird as the rest of them, acting
ashamed of them and all. She started looking for white women in
the streets, hoping to see one without a bra, to vindicate herself.
She saw a few foreign tourists, but their ample breasts and fat
were all well contained, covered up, as were their nipples.
♪♫
A month and a half later, only Paoi and the adult male student
remained on Lily's schedule. Anya, soon after her brother, was
crossed out from Kitty's old schedule, but Paoi and Guo Sun came
loyally, weekly, to Lily's apartment, scratching out on squeaky
violins their tone-deaf tunes in the music room. Fortunately for
the neighbors this room was soundproofed. The white boards
filled with tiny holes like cockroach bites or worm homes
surrounding the room sucked in all the awful attempts at music
within.
Paoi's mother had been discreetly increasing the amount of
money she gave Lily, an undiscussed but appreciated raise of a
hundred NT every week or so. By now, when Paoi handed Lily an
envelope after class, it contained 1200 dollars. Guo Sun, who
earned his own tuition, didn't give Lily extra money, and
sometimes forgot the tuition, but he always tried the best he could
as a boring Taiwanese engineer to make conversation with
musical, tall, foreigner-like Lily, who was younger than him but
happened to be his "teacher." Occasionally they went out after
class to have some sweet dumplings or a small meal; Guo Sun
never let Lily see the bill, quoting Confucius, "If anything is
needed by the teacher, the student will naturally be of service."
This was possibly the only Confucius quote he knew, Lily thought
to herself.
♫♫
Today Paoi was supposed to come at three thirty but she
failed to show up. Around four o'clock Lily picked up the phone
and it was Mrs. Wu, Paoi's mother. Paoi was falling behind
academically, she said, and would like to pause violin lessons until
things got better at school.
"Absolutely," Lily answered, "I hope she does well at school,
she's improved a lot on the violin, getting better every time." Lily
wasn't exactly lying.
"Thank you so much for your instruction, Teacher Gu."
"You're too kind."
Paoi's and Anya's moms were good friends; Anya's mom must
have persuaded Paoi's mother not to let her daughter take lessons
from a braless indecent Asian Canadian--Lily was sure of it. This
place was so screwed up, she thought. It was too bad; Lily had
actually liked Paoi's mom, who was pretty, elegant, nice-smelling,
and whose modest assets were no doubt covered in an extra thick
name brand bra with lace, extra molding for protection and
supported with underwire.
This left Lily with just one student, the tone deaf engineer
who bought her sweet dumplings after class. So much for making
her own living; her father would still have to wire her money for
rent. But at least this time it would be from one a Taipei bank to
another instead of wiring all the way from Taipei to Canada,
allowing all the in between banks to take a considerable
percentage in transaction fees.
Lily took a I'm-in-a-bad-mood walk around her neighborhood
and headed towards the 7-11 for some rice triangles. The 7-11
dumplings, sushi, and rice triangles were some of the few things
she appreciated in Taipei. She hoped they had her favorite flavor,
salmon. As she walked down the long sidewalk stained with betel
nut juice, she noticed someone trying to keep up with her. Not
wishing to converse with anyone, she quickened her pace.
A male voice addressed her, "Miss, miss." Lily slowed down.
"Miss, may I beg you to wear some underwear please." Lily
turned to see a short man whose head only reached her ear.
Silver-rimmed glasses framed his beady eyes; his unattractively
proportioned body was covered in a printed flannel shirt tucked
into cheap suit pants. She stared at him. He was looking into her
face, trying to look away from her breasts, which were closer to
him.
"Please wear a...bra; it's really obvious." He concluded.
Lily whipped her head in another direction and marched away,
fuming. Who did this stupid shrimp think he was, acting like I'm
indecent, as if he were giving me moral advice. She wanted to
swear at him but was too stunned to curse. What would Nina have
said in such a situation? Nina would have known what to do; Nina
would have beaten the vertically challenged bastard up.
♫♪♫
Eight o'clock Sunday evening; Guo Sun's class time. Lily gave
him two new three-octave scales and arpeggios to fumble through
as warm up. As he played she tried not to think about the horrible
little man who told her to wear a bra, but every bad note the
engineer hit reminded her of those horrible beady eyes and the
man's condescending, admonishing tone.
"Do you mind if we cancel class today? We could just go out
for some ice tea." Lily interrupted. Guo Sun's bow, busy sawing
and slipping on the strings, stopped mid air.
"Sure, the student is always at the teacher's service." Guo
Sun instantly began gathering his music books, loosening his bow
hair and stuffing everything into his violin case.
In the tea house, Lily sipped black tea quietly while Guo Sun
stirred his frothy Pearl Milk Green Tea, sucking up the tapioca
balls speedily through an extra wide straw.
"So, how's everything?" Guo Sun asked.
"Horrible."
"Why? What's the matter?"
"I ran into this pervert yesterday." Lily stirred the ice in
circles in her drink.
"I'm sorry. My cousin also has had such experiences, she
calls them weird uncles. My cousin is quite cute. Did he say
something to you?"
"He followed me for a while and came up to me and told me
to wear...underwear."
Guo Sun was silent for a while.
"You mean...oh, I see. I hope you don't mind my saying so,
but you probably should wear underwear here."
"Huh?" Lily stopped stirring her ice.
"Please don't be offended; I mean, you know what Taiwanese
are like. Some men can be sleazy, and the women will talk, too.
You can't let them see too much of your body. People see, people
talk." Lily couldn't believe her ears.
"I think I need to go home now." She said.
"Please don't go." Guo Sun reached out and took one of her
hands unexpectedly. Lily took her hand back.
"You know, Lily, I mean, Teacher Lily, you are one of the most
talented girls I know. I want to tell you that. I...rather like you."
Lily stood up, picked up the check and headed for the hostess at
the counter. She didn't feel like explaining anything to her male
student--that he didn't have a right to discuss her underwear,
that she didn't like him or any men. This was the first and last
time she would pay for hers and Guo Sun's drinks. He did not have
the time or presence of mind to react, to protest. Lily left him
there in the tea house without looking back. He was too polite to
chase after her.
She was losing her last violin student, but she was not sure
why. Had she lost each and every one of her students because she
refused to wear a bra, because even strangers were offended by
the contour of her nipples? Lily felt more confused than ever,
insulted, almost remorseful. Despite Nina's angry voice protesting
in her mind, Lily decided that perhaps it was time to buy one of
those thickly padded, lacy Taiwanese bras.
(c) 2008 by Yu-Han Chao